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1. I did you wrong. I miss you terribly and should have spent more time with you. You came all the way out here to see me and I didn't realize how much I missed you until you're gone. I'm gonna make up for being such a shitty friend, you just wait.
2. Don't apologize. It's not your fault.
3. I don't know what it is about you, but I like you. a lot. It's borderline obsession. I just wished you liked me, too.
4. You toyed with my heart and soul, shattered everything I lived for, shit on my happiness, and yet I forgave you. No, I don't want anything to do with you, but I am always there for you when you need me. I hope you learn to forgive and love yourself and move on.
5. We used to be so close. Why would you do this to me?
6. I've had a crush on you since we met, boy, but nothing will ever come of it. ever.
7. I wish I could lift you out of your depression and help you see that life isn't all bad. There is more to this world than sleep and work
8. I cannot stop thinking about you lately. Always on my mind. I miss what we had. I hate myself for dropping off the face of the earth for so long, and I wish I could go back in time and relive every single moment with you. I love you =]
9. You did what you had to do in order to save me. So many sacrifices were made for me, and I am grateful for all that you've done. I'm ashamed for all that I've done.
10. We just met. I didn't enjoy it, but I still like you. You're fun to hang out with. I hope this doesn't change anything. I could use some friends right now.
NINE things about yourself:
1. I forgive easy.
2. People take advantage of me.
3. I am pretty straightforward. If you ask, I will tell.
4. I hate myself.
5. I hate what I've become and what I have done to everyone I love.
6. I love happiness and innocence.
7. I have a fish. His name is Tank. I have a cat. His name is Purseaus. I have a dog. Her name is Spooky.
8. Time is the fire in which we all burn.
9. I am trying to be a better person.
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. sweet demeanor
2. good intentions
3. read some damn books every now and again.
4. good taste in music
5. be able to hold a conversation
6. be relaxed.
7.make me laugh.
8. give me butterflies.
SEVEN things that cross your mind alot:
1. my old friends.
2. school.
3. family.
4. money.
5. sex.
6. love.
7. music.
SIX things you wish you'd never done:
1. sex.
2. blowing money.
3. rent a house.
4. be in a serious relationship.
5. partied.
6. laugh at other people's misfortunes.
FIVE turn offs:
1. being loud.
2. clingy.
3. bad humor
4. showoffs.
5. know-it-alls.
FOUR turn ons :
1. Happiness.
2. Respect.
3. Make me laugh
4. Tattoos =]
THREE words to describe your life:
1. Hectic.
2. Short.
3. Depressed.
TWO things you wanna do before you die:
1. learn to surf.
2. travel.
ONE confession
1. I am unhappy.
we were in the car (including sleep time) for a good 9 hours.
it was fun though =p
Cops take advantage of other people's misfortunes and bad luck. At least, that's how it works where I'm from.
I'm listening to New Slang by The Shins, feeling "home"sick and moody. I wander so much from place to place and it is hard for somewhere to feel like home. Nomadic American? Modern-day gypsies. It was always easier to adapt to a temporary fit when someone was by my side, but everything ended so abruptly. Farewell sweet bliss and youth. I guess everyone has a time to grow up and mine is now.
I'm listening to New Slang by The Shins, feeling "home"sick and moody. I wander so much from place to place and it is hard for somewhere to feel like home. Nomadic American? Modern-day gypsies. It was always easier to adapt to a temporary fit when someone was by my side, but everything ended so abruptly. Farewell sweet bliss and youth. I guess everyone has a time to grow up and mine is now.
I bought him an Ipod Nano, the kind where you shake it and it turns the song.
He has asked for it forever now.
I love you, Josh.
I'd give you the world to make you happy.
im ready to love again.
im ready to see the world as it truly is,
and accept the things I cannot change.
others have forgiven me.
and now i forgive myself.
I've got one life, and it doesn't need to be wasted on minor setbacks and disappointments.
I am better than that.
Other people are hurting, too.
I'm ready to make a difference.
Josh got a job at taco bell. It seems to stress him out more than mine does.
I am now a part-time employee of Wal-Mart, the largest, most evil corporation in the world.
Sam Walton continues to sap my will to live.
I get paid more than I ever would anywhere else,
decent hours, and if I said the work was hard I would be lying. It's just annoying.
I deal with a lot of trash.
The other day, a mexican came in when my register was closed and I was walking away. Of course his entire family followed him into my line with three shopping carts full of SHIT that no one really needs anyways.
So I scan through them all, deal with their nonsense, and as I am signing off of my register the mexican wife has the nerve to say
"You no like cashier, you no do it."
so I reply: "You no like America, you get the fuck out."
so maybe I am a little racist. Bitch had it comin'.
Anyways, I'm actually doing well in school this year. Hopefully, I'll make it into Purdue so I can become a nurse.
High goals for such an underachiever. I bought a new car. Well, two, just one was a lemon and I had to return it.
The one I am buying is a Buick Roadmaster, real nice grandma car. Maybe i'll put some spinners on it, make it ghetto.
The other one overheated within five minutes of driving off of the lot.
Pontiac sunbird or something along those lines.
I moved out of my dad's, into my mom's, moved out of there, and am now staying at my grandmas.
Definitely have some issues to work out between me and my mom.
She ran off and got eloped, forgot to mention this to her children, and married a man with kids 1/4 of her already grown children's ages.
One is 6, the other: one. Funny how things work out.
I barely have time to eat anymore, and I rarely update.
I can't recall my last update, but this bitch named kelsey chipped my tooth the last day of my junior year. I pressed charges and she got off on no restitution. Of course, my tooth has been fixed, but i'm still angry. There's nothing I can do now, except wait for karma to take it's toll.
...to be continued?
okay, so long story short i've got this cunt who follows me around school when she decides to show up and her sole occupation is attempting to make my life absolute hell while she still can.
this fucking cunt sneaks up behind me while im at my locker right after the last fucking bell rings and pushes me as hard as she can and RUNS. that fucking coward ran. before i really could understand what happened i looked at my locker and there's like half my fucking tooth stuck in the fucking locker.
so, needless to say, im pressing charges.
btw, ive got half a fake tooth now.
isn't that just fucking tits?
reminds me of bonnie and clyde.
just got off work. my feet are killing me.
i want to write and i know what i would write im just not ready for the tears.
so there.
life is dull.
dumb bitches are out to get me.
trying to run me and my sister off the road =(
if i was strong i'd deck her so hard in the face.
my wisdom teeth are coming in.
my tonsils have 3 holes in them.
ive got the sickness goin' on.
literary analysis due in about a week... ive got plenty of time.
shaved my legs today.
i hope tomorrow is gonna be a good day.
high hopes for the future =]
onwarddddddd!
I'm thinking the tree of life has lots of meaning.
well, the tree of knowledge, the downfall of adam and eve, is neat, too.
but the tree of life was in the garden of eden and basically the fruit gave immortality to anyone who ate it.
but maybe i should use the tree of knowledge since it held the forbidden fruit.
wikipedia says it best.
The Tree of Life (Heb. עץ החיים Etz haChayim), in the Book of Genesis is a tree planted by God in midst of the Garden of Eden (Paradise), whose fruit gives everlasting life, i.e. immortality. Together with the Tree of Life, God planted the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 2:9). After eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the biblical account states that Adam and Eve were exiled from the Garden of Eden to prevent them from eating of the Tree of Life:
| “ | And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." (Genesis 3:22) | ” |
By questioning God's word and authority, the serpent (Satan) initially tempted Eve into eating fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, an act explicitly forbidden by God. The serpent deceived Eve by suggesting that eating the fruit would cause her to become as wise as God, having knowledge of good and evil. Eve ate the fruit, in rebellion against God's command and later so did her husband, Adam, despite God's warning that "in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die" (Genesis 2:17). As a consequence of their sin (rebellious act), Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden and denied access to the Tree of Life. Separated from the Tree of Life, Adam and Eve became mortal and died, as God had said. The Genesis narrative of the banishment from the Garden of Eden is balanced in the New Testament by the planting of the Tree of Life on mankind's side of the divide.
everything except i get to see my dad.
thats about all this place is good for.
i just wanna leave, go somewhere and leave everything behind.
be able to do what i want when i fucking want to do it.
i want to walk around naked goddamnit!
It's gonna be text on my lower right side (hip) and it's going to read "Hab keine angst." which means "Have no fear" in german.
It's just good memories and means a little somethin' to me... it's kind of reassuring.
So that's the plan.
Take what you can get =]
as in, controlling my own death instead of waiting for the inevitable.
I hate surprises, after all.
